rolling dice

now i'm jumping on the questions again, losing all my senses again - i'm a rolling dice and i don't think twice, i gave my heart away

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nonsense. nothing. don't even bother reading this? Lol.♣

Sunday, July 26, 2009 / 11:37 PM

Okay, so it's quite late at the moment. It's 11:38pm and I just can't seem to go to sleep =/. There's just too much on my mind.. & I can't talk to anyone about it.. :/

Well, there has to be someone you tell everything to right? Yup, there is.. But she seems to busy with her boyfriend lately.. and I don't want to disturb. It's tearing us apart but.. whatever. I'm sick and tired of trying to fix this up on my own. I've done my bit. You seem .. pretty much okay without me anyways. Just.. if you ever read this, know that I've never left you. I never will. I promised you that I'd be there for you, whenever you need me. And I always will be.. But I don't feel like trying when you act like you're okay when you're obviously not. When something's gone wrong and it's driving you crazy, but you won't tell me what's wrong. I respect your privacy.. so yeah I'll just leave it at that.

I feel like I'm distancing from all my friends ): .. or some seem to hate me in some way. Everyone used to be so happy and so close-knit together. Now we're all distant in our separate groups, living in our own little worlds.. & I don't like it.

I'm so pathetic. I can't stand the thought of being alone.. it makes me cry my eyes out =='. Yes Vinno, I know, I don't need to depend on anyone but myself. I know. You've told me that so many times.. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't like being alone. I can be independent, knowing my friends are there to catch me when I fall =) .. but now it seems like .. if I fall then, I'm just gonna fall. There's no one there because they're so busy living their own little lies.

Man.. why do people always take out their anger on me? It doesn't matter who it is, family or friend. They all do it. Am I that much of an easy target? I mean yeah I know I forgive people easily.. but there's only so much I can take =='. And when I break down from all the pressure and shit you've been giving me, you fuckers tell me I'm just some sad, little, emo, tb, depressed shit. Ffs. Go get a life.

Hmm.. where is he when I need him T.T He's like the only person who can calm me down and help me think straight. I HATE when he's not around. I feel so empty and so alone. Argh, I hate how much I love you.

Anyways, I apologise for all that useless nonsense up there. I really don't know what's wrong with me lately. Everything's just a blur. I hope this phase passes soon =). I'm getting really sick of it. Like..really sick. Hmmm, I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow, new start to the week.

/end rant.