Bulletproof loneliness.♣
Sunday, August 16, 2009 / 6:58 PM
Oh, so now it lets me sign into my blog. T__T'' gayfuck.Song(s) Of The Day//Week :: Anything rockerish.
Short Stack.
Fall Out Boy.
Panic At The Disco.
Breaking Benjamin - Diary Of Jane.
Current Media :: Windows Media Player - Music.
Current Mood(s) :: Alone. Annoyed. Aggressive. Pretty pissed off. Depressed. Stressed out. Envious.
Okay.. so the last few days I haven't been posting. Sorry, my keyboard died. And when I tried to sign in on my sister's laptop, it kept stuffing up. But I have been blogging, just let me know if any of you wanna read them ^o)? I don't think anyone reads this.. Lol.
So I'll just probably write about yesterday and today in this blog. Lols yups.
Yesterday~ I woke up feeling a little shitty. But I got ready for school anyways.. I went to Maths ~ And it was pretty fun. At recess, Nam Nhi gave Ms Kat his iPhone and told her to play that Biggest Brain Challenge thing. And LOLOLOL! She's like a little kid playing it, so cute. Whilst she was playing that.. Neil + this other teacher dude came in.. ;D Cuties ^^. Ahaha.. they were laughing at her and calling her a little kid.
Master plan now guys, just give her the phone + games every lesson and we can bludge! .. Not like we don't already anyways.
Then Viet was next.. I originally felt like calling up mum and telling her I was gonna go out instead of to Viet school. No one wanted to go I just called her up and told her I wanted to go home cause I was feeling sick. And so I did. I went home.. and watched Fruits Basket. I was supposed to try to get to sleep.. But Fruits Basket is just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too interesting. It's definately one of my most favouritest animes now<3>!
Ahaha.. then I msn'd for a bit. And after kitty left, I went to sleep. For like .. 2-3hours I think? Lol. I woke up when the siblings came over.. and how lucky, 15minutes later he signed in again :).
Ehe.. Sister made cheesecake.. and I was webcamming with him whilst I ate it. I felt so fat ): But cheesecake was alright. I've had better. I gave it like 7 or 8 out of 10. Lol. She burnt the base I swear! It's not supposed to be fucking crunchy shit. Ahah..
Then I watched Wild Wild West, Batman and Team America. I love Team America.. it's so funny! LOL~ Ahaha.. yeah I like stupid, lame movies :P~!
I got annoyed like hell here. Stupid fucking mum wouldn't fucking du ma shut up. And told me off for MAKING her say things. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?! Then she told me off for staying up late. URH!? It was only 1am. NOT EVEN. And I always stay up late on weekends? WHAT'S SO DIFFERENT ABOUT THIS WEEKEND? Fuck Sakes. Then she went on about yet another lecture on how worthless I am. Freaking hell.
Man I didn't sleep til LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE. I stayed up crying my eyes out T__________________________T'' About what? About exactly everything she had said. I'm worthless, and I can't seem to do ANYTHING except for hurting others. In these few hours, I really did consider ending this wretched life =='. Dw, I'm too pussy to do something like that. But I do envy those who can find the courage to do so.
Everything's just been so shit lately. Family, friends, school. Everything. Family wise.. I don't even know what family's supposed to fucking mean anymore. Even the beloved internet says it's just a group of people tied together by blood relation. I used to think there was another meaning. Like people who always cared for you, and accept you for who you are. The people who'd always be there for you. And shit like that. But that definition has faded over time. Wait.. I'm not sure if it ever even existed. It's a whole load of bullshit anyways. Accept me for who I am? Puh-lease. I'm constantly being criticised for who I am and the things I can't/don't do. I don't fit in here.. not at all. The outcast. And yet.. why do I always, always, constantly try to find my place within them? To belong? Never. I've failed many times.. so why do I keep trying? I don't know either.
Friends? Lol.. Everyone's seeming to push me away. We're not as close as we used to be. Even.. that one.. person seems to be doing that now too.. Being the pathetic little loser I am, I crawl back. And try to fit in once again. Then again.. maybe it's because of all those times I've hurt them. Intentionally, or unintentionally. It doesn't matter, I did it. Maybe that's why they're pushing me away.. and they don't want me there anymore. It's like self defence. Knowing these things.. why do I keep trying? -_______________________-
Okay okay okay. I'll stop here. It's getting a little too much. Too much thinking. All I really know is.. I need to escape. I need to get away. Anywhere.. Even just for a little while..
I also realised ~ I don't ever 'never' reply. I just reply with 'lol'. Usually means something's up =P..
I don't want to tell you the truth sometimes.. because it might hurt you. Or stop you from doing the things you want to do.. Hurting you, would hurt me.. So I'd rather just leave those words left unspoken. It kills hiding something from you, but it's for the better I guess..
no rain
no r a i n b o w ♥
