But where's your heart?♣
Sunday, August 30, 2009 / 4:55 PM
Song(s) Of The Day :: Yellowcard - Everywhere
The Fruits Basket Theme Song (LL)
The Fray - You Found Me
Dj Kazztro - Waves
Natz Da Pinoy Rapper - See You Smile =]
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
Current Media :: GOMplayer - Rules Of Engagement, Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother, Fruits Basket playlist on shuffle.
Current Mood(s) :: Neutral. Both sides, positive and negative, up high. Mixed feelings. font Heartaches.<>
Today was very, very unproductive :). Today I went to bed at 4am, I'm really tired :). Today I was meant to finish a shit load of homework, I did none :). Hehes. Okays, so when I got home last night, I MSN'd like the addict I am til 4am. Kitty was watching The Notebook and I was watching The Classic. Did quite a lot of talking as well..
I'm sorry you found out. I'm sorry for you feeling the way you feel. I'm sorry for me ever falling for you. I'm sorry I ever met you. You could do without all this worrying. What was worse.. was that you felt part of the pains I've been getting. I'm sure life would be a lot simpler for you, and a lot simpler for everyone, if I weren't around.
Uhhs yeah, woke up at 10 today because brother dear picked me up to go eat Pho. Mm, I miss these weekends I spent with you. It was a nice catchup though ^^
Mm I went home intending to start homework, but I was too tired so I went to sleep instead. Kitty finally pranked and went on msn :) hehes.
Okay yeah fuck that lalala happy crap.
FUCKING HELL. FUCK YOU. FUCKING DU MA SHUT THE FUCK UP. I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU FUCKING SAY OKAY!? I DO THINGS HOW I WANT. I NEVER ASKED YOU TO FUCKING CARE FOR ME!? LIKE YOU EVEN SHOW THAT YOU FUCKING DU MA CARE ANYWAYS. FUCKING HELL. I DON'T FUCKING HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO FUCKING SAY, IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME CRAP. FUCKING HELL. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. I'M NOT WHO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING BE AND THAT'S THE WAY IT FUCKING IS. FOR FUCKS SAKES. YOU FUCKING DON'T UNDERSTAND A THING ABOUT ME. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU AND THOSE OTHERS HAVE FUCKING PUT ME THROUGH. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH CRAP I HAVE IN THIS FUCKING SHITASS LIFE. WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL ALIVE!? FUCKING HELL. ARGH AJKHFKUJSDGHUIT^e*&%^#$)$@*q)%(^#(*&!#_)!&$ *%(&(*%&! GO DIG A HOLE AND DIE IN IT. ROT THERE FOR THE REST OF FUCKING ETERNITY. FOR DU MA FUCKING SAKES. GRRRRRRRRRRR.
/10minutes later.
Okay I calmed down a bit now T_____________________________T'' A bit. T_____T''
Yeah okay, you can think what you fucking want to think. I don't care. I don't even know why I'm still fucking here. I want to leave, why haven't I? Because you'd be all sooky T__T. Fuck sakes. YEAH so what!? I'm just a selfish fucking little spoilt brat in your eyes. WHY AM I LIKE THIS? I'LL TELL YOU WHY. IT'S BECAUSE YOU FUCKING MADE ME LIKE THIS. Maybe it's cause you're fucking useless. T______T I don't even know what I'm fucking saying anymore. OH MY FUCKING GOD YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. JUST STAND OUTSIDE MY OPEN WINDOW FUCKING SMOKING YOUR LUNGS DRY. FUCK YOU. ARGHHH. T___________T''
I'll tell you why I'm so fucking selfish. Because you never gave me anything I wanted as child. I was deprived of everything. A happy family like all the other kids. All the rights and freedom everyone else had. I was always the underdog. And when I do get these things, I want to keep it to myself. I want to keep it for as long as I can. That's why.
Why don't I seem to care about anyone? Simple. They never seem to care about me in the first place. Sure, you may AFTER what happens. But throughout the whole happening, you never seemed to consider me, not once. And why do I seem to care for my friends more? Why am I so willing to give up anything and everything for them? Even this so called FAMILY? Because those friends are the ones that have always shown that they cared. They never gave up on me like you did, they were always there when I needed something.
I'm sick of being in this hellhole. I'm sick of everything.
Grr. what else is there to let out?
Oh right. HEY YOU THERE. Stop being such a fucking hypocrite T_____T Before you fucking judge others take a look at what you're doing. Fuck sakes.
Okay yeah I'm calm now. A bit more? A lot more? Lol.
You know what I hate hearing when I'm ragey like this? ''Dw you're not the only one, there are others.'' I don't fucking give a shit. I'm sure there are others who are going through a SIMILAR situation. Maybe the same. But you can never measure who's been affected more. Because that is them, and this is me. We're different. No one is the same.
What else? I don't see how you can dislike someone you don't know. Sure you can hear things about them that may give you a negative judgement on them. But have you heard their side of the story? I'm sure I say I dislike a lot of people, and that I'd never talk to them. But I always give them the chance to change my perspective of them. Even if they turn out to be the bitch I thought they were in the beginning, I give them endless chances. Why? Because I'm the naive person that believes people can change. I think you know what I'm talking about, if you're reading this. It's just what I wanted to tell you, but couldn't.
Mm.. Thanks for calming me down. You were my motivation. Thanks, love you :)
