rolling dice

now i'm jumping on the questions again, losing all my senses again - i'm a rolling dice and i don't think twice, i gave my heart away

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Monday, August 31, 2009 / 10:58 PM

I feel gay rofls. No, not sexual attraction type of gay. Gay as in, it's shit, type of gay. I don't feel like I'm going anywhere but down, and I'm dragging you down with me. I honestly swear to God, you'd be a lot better off without all this drama I cause you. And deep down.. I think you know that too right?

You seemed to be so much more happier before we got close. I bet you life was a lot more simpler to you as well, wasn't it? Once I came in and we got closer and closer, you started to realise all this drama that had been going on, that had been hidden to you. And suddenly everything was a shitload more complicated. But maybe that's just what I think? It's up to you, whatever your thoughts are on this. These are just mine.

I find it incredible how you still manage to smile everyday. A smile so pure. You live every moment to it's fullest, and would do whatever it takes to make everyone happy. You're someone no one can ever hate, or even dislike in any way for that matter. You're simply the most amazing person I've ever met :) & I don't know how I ever lived without you! Hahs :). You mean a looooooooooooot to me, & from what I heard, you mean quite a fair bit to others as well. You are a must in our lives. Mm..

I don't even know the point of this blog anymore @__@! Been writing it for an hour. It's 11:30pm nows. I guess, I tell you what you mean to me too often. Seems a little obsessive ayes? Hahaha. Gomen ne? I'm such a freak hahaha. But I really don't know what to say at the moment. Quite awkward actually isn't it? I bet it is for you reading it. Lols.

Arararah.. I think that.. what this person has told me is right. That we shouldn't this close to each other. But I don't know how I can't be. I don't know if you can either. It seems like it.. Hm. I don't mind me being hurt, so if this is better for you then just tell me kays?

Wait.. hold up. Maybe this is what the point of this blog is? I want you to tell me. It feels like I'm going about this alone, because I never know what your thoughts are on our situation.Tell me the truth, and don't hold back just because you think it's going to hurt me. I'm already hurt dude :), you might as well speed up the process ne? So it'll be over and done with..

But maybe, just maybe I don't want to know. What if the honest truth is that you want me to leave? Or you want to leave? You want this distance between us to grow. I think that's what I'm afraid of.. Possibly..

I hope that, when you read this, after you read this, you won't be upset, kays? But if you are then by all means tell me. I don't know why I can't just confront you face to face, maybe it's because I don't want to see that look on your face. I don't want to see you anywhere near as hurt as I am, ever, not in any way. I feel you don't want to see me like that either? Not like that night. And I don't want to see your immediate reaction, I don't want you to know my immediate thoughts either. Being a pessimist, I take everything negatively at first and I will say something wrong, I'm 99% sure of that. I think that's why I give us a while to think about it individually, I'll write it here and you can read all my thoughts in whole. This may sound corny, but if you want then right a reply to me? Letter format? :) It'll be a nice change..