rolling dice

now i'm jumping on the questions again, losing all my senses again - i'm a rolling dice and i don't think twice, i gave my heart away

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Midnight insanity.♣

Monday, August 24, 2009 / 11:00 PM

Lmao. I don't like being like this. It makes those around me worry, those that mean a lot to me. I want to tell them what's wrong and ease it a little for them.. but how can I tell them what's wrong when they are the reason I felt that way in the first place? I know their intention never was to hurt me, but I'm that sort of person that is affected by anything and everything you say. I analyze it to the point where it doesn't even make sense anymore, even if something as simple as 'I miss you' was said, or even quite simpler, 'Hello'. I'm that weird. I'm quite messed up =) & none of my thoughts turn out optimistic either. Yes, I am quite the pessimist :).
When something's wrong, I will analyse every aspect of the darned problem until I won't know how it even began in the first place. Not knowing why or how something happened somehow leads me to depression. I have no idea why I do these things. I just do. But it's queer --'.. Because I can be so easily affected by someone's words, it makes them feel bad for not saying it differently. Or saying it at all. When the truth is, they never did anything wrong in the first place. They simply spoke their mind, which I often try to encourage. O__o'' Even I don't understand myself (Y).
I don't know what this rant is about anymore~ lolololololol.
Yes, another symptom of my depression state :) Why? Because I think I am the gayest person on earth and I do not deserve to live. Dear Death, instead of taking the lives of those who want to live, why not spare them a few more days and take me instead? Not permanently x) Unless I choose to stay that is. Why not take someone who is willing to go x)? Ne? Lololol. I don't know what I'm saying. I feel like I'm drunk =) Lalalah..
A little psychopathic today aren't I? Hmms.. I feel like watching a horror movie xD! Maybe I'll go see if Andy Pandy wants to go tomorrow :] Maybe.. :L
Ahhh yes. Friends.. friends.. friends.. who? Lol. I don't know, do you? I can't find any ^^ I think I better leave it like this .___.! Yes! Weeee.
Oh I see now :) Maybe if you won't leave and spare yourself this pain.. Maybe I should leave you first? Maybe that way you'll be so hurt, you'll be forced to forget me. Forget every single moment and feeling of pain I've caused you. Then you can move on. The final straw? Ahahaha! Yes! That's it x)!

Arararararahh!

Dear Friend, please don't worry :) I assure you this is one quite random jibberjabberlalalah moment I'm having whilst I'm in this state. I'll be fine. I'll be there with a smile on my face every day. The smile will hide everything for me right? Because after all, a smile is a smile. Can you tell the difference between a fake and real one? I think not! Muwahaha. My ultimate weapon of defence >:] .. My eyes on the other hand. Can not lie and tend to reveal every freaking emotion I'm feeling within in the depth of their darkness. Maybe I'll have to pry them out.. Then you won't be able to see. MUWAHAHHAHAHA >:]
Oh my, I really am going insane =D .. that's enough for tonight. I'm stable now :) Well.. more than before x).. Okay, as stable as I will ever get tonight. Lalalah.