Silently breaking.♣
Monday, August 31, 2009 / 5:16 PM
Song(s) Of The Day :: Breaking Benjamin - Diary Of Jane
Thousand Foot Krutch - Phenomenon
Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You
Joey Moe - My Last Serenade
JoJo - Exceptional
Varsity - Let Her Go
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
Current Media :: Windows Media Player - Music
Current Mood(s) :: Breaking. I'm dying, but I'm not going to show it. Heartaches. Depressed. Trying to keep myself cheered up. Stressed out. Tired. Weak.
Today was fair alright. (: yeah? I guess so hahahas. Started off the daying seeing someone at his bus stop.. You kept staring at me, your eyes filled with questions. What is it? .. If you're looking for a sign of being hurt.. We both know it's there. Don't look for it, I don't want you to feel bad in any way. Mm..Anywhos, kittynya and I spent the whole day spamming his facebook photo xD &&&&&& I'd like to sayyyyy:Yay to us for reaching 1,000 comments :)
Hehehes. :D
Pahahaha yeah, this is how bored we get :). ^^
Mm.. started off the day with Science. We had the laptops this lesson, but Ms Paps wasn't there D: .. we had that pedo teacher Mr. Wundick or something instead. Ahahah I don't know what I did all lesson. Just mucked around with Samuel on the laptops. Rofls, we were on www.planetrenders.com looking at siggies. Okay yeah I hate Jams and his stupid rendering but you gotta admit, some pretty cool stuff I saw there :) hahahas.
Next? Uhhs.. Hm... PE! Haha xD We played golf today. It's so stupid, have to change for a bloody single lesson. ==' Hahaha, Yvonne, Jess & I made our own little golf course. I'm getting better and better (Y). Hehes ^^. Mm.. we were talking about tonnes of stuff.. and it's not that I was eavesdropping, but I was listening in on their gossip lols and it's quite funny XD
Recess~ was short. Um, I was really hungry. Omg wtf O_______O Krystal gave me her sandwich, which I was quietly eating and then all of a sudden, Jenna (who's standing directly in front of me), bursts out laughing O__O! Then she was saying the way I ate. Wtf? LOLOLOL. Jenna (:
French was fun for some reason, but I got really tired. The student teacher lady was teaching us, and she's so fucking annoying. Every few fucking moments she'd be like, "AHEM", trying to sound all manly and tough. Gosh =='. Uhh yeah we didn't do much. OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG. We heard another new song to help us learn tenses. FOR FUCKS SAKES MAN, THIS SONG IS SO ANNOYING. MON MEC A MOI PWNS THIS HARDCORE. Fuck sakes. Ahahahaha yeah. Did a bit more spam, got really sleepy lols.
Mm Lunch, we had an SRC meeting :D HAHAHA THIS SYDNEY GIRL CAME IN! Her name was Natasha Lei or something. She's freaking awesome XD! She's so funny ROFL. She was talking to us about YOUth Decide thing to save the environment :)
Tash; Do you want to die?
CAUSE I DON'T! I LOVE LIFE!
Us; ROFLMFAO WTF :L:L:L:L
Ahahahha ayeahs :] Sydney people are cool ^^. Yeahs, went outside and mucked around ish.. I really hate being fake.
PHOTOGRAPHYs2! Hehehs. We got to go out to take photos this lesson ^^. But we did a whole lotta bludging. OHOHOH AND FUCKYOU STUPID MAGPIES. T__T. Ahahaha but yeah. Most of the time just watched boys being idiots. Greatest moments of my life, just watching them have fun lmaos.
Mm.. Afterschool we went to Hungry Jacks :D With Kenji-kun :]]. Hahaha sat there for a while and had quite a nice talk :) PAHAHAHA! Kenji's so funny. ^^ Hehehes.. yeah. Caught the bus with Samuel as wells =P It was fun ^^. Hehehes.
I found it quite hard to make it through today without showing a moment of weakness. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, I hope not. I hate it. I don't like being like this. I don't like being fake, I don't think anyone does. I want those days back, those days where I didn't have a care in the world and everything was just harmless fun. The kiddy days. Now we're all grown up and all this shit's so complicated. Every fucking little thing affects me in some kind of fucking way. And it's driving me insane. =='.
Lols, okay so from what I saw and heard today. Some people are very try hard-ish, yet they call others try-hards. I know why people don't like being called 'TB'. Really, there's nothing wrong with being one. It's just that people have given them such a bad reputation. Why do people do these things that are considered tb? Simple, they want to fit in and be liked, like the rest of you. Is that so wrong? Finding a place of belonging? I don't think so. No one likes being categorised right? Not when this specific 'category' has such a bad reputation, no one likes being called something considered 'bad'. Cut them some slack, I'm sure you were like this once. Don't deny it.
What else? I hate not being able to be myself, but I'll put up with it. If that keeps everyone happy, I'll only be myself around those who've witnessed and accepted me. What annoys me though, is when I see someone I care about not being able to be themselves. When they're so much happier the way they are, with the things they do, and the one person who really should accept it, hates it. It makes them feel bad, thinking they're doing something wrong, so they won't do it anymore. Even if it's what they really wanna do, they can't, because of that one person who means so much to them. It's not fair.
I think I'm doing it again. That phase where I feel all depressed, and start analysing every aspect of my life, sometimes even others.
Sometimes I think you're not being honest. I can tell. I won't say anything though, I want you to tell me on your on will. I'll wait, no matter how long it takes. Don't worry, I won't forget, it won't escape my mind. It will always remain there, waiting. I want you to tell me what's on your mind. I want to know you..
Fuck sakes, I hate being like this. I hate hiding behind this smile. It's gay. It's queer. I want to break down, but for the sake of those around me, I can't. It's fucking gay living this fucking sadass life. I'm not doing anything but hurting those around me. Gay. Fucking go die already. Gosh.
Oh yeah, you. You're the only reason I find worth living for. Those others? I don't give a fuck anymore. I can't even tell if they're being real. I don't care what they say. Even if it's the case of 'No Jill! I need you. Don't leave. Blahblahblah'. Oh really? Well you never fucking showed it. Fuck sakes. Grr.
Yeah depressed. Emo, chh. Whatever ==' Don't give a fuck what you say about me anymore.
something's getting in the way
something's just about to break
i will try to find my place in the diary of jane
so tell me how it should be
as i burn another page
as i look the other way
i still try to find my place in the diary of jane
so tell me how it should be
desperate i will crawl,
waiting for someone.
no love, there is no love
die for anyone, who have i become?
don't let these spiders crawl up beside us
they want to bite us, inject the virus
but hold your breathe because tonight
will be the night that i will fall for you
this is not what i intended
i always swore to you i'd never fall apart
you always thought that i was stronger
i may have failed, but i have loved you from the start
don't be surprised that these are my last words
my last hour of my last day
i've taken all the sorrow i can bear yo
and now i think i'll turn
turn and walk away
as i write this the tears are fillin' up my eyes
feel like i got nothing left to love in my life
20 years of age and it's time to say goodbye
cause i don't wanna try to make it through the night
& i don't wanna sing, & it don't mean a thing
make sure the headlines say
i did it for love
with you it all fades away
with no more words to say
no more you and me
cause the music left with you
& now i'm alone on the balcony
with no more songs to sing
only this last serenade
& you know i sing it for you
you're beautiful but you don't know
can't see what's there inside your soul
always feelin' like you're not good enough
you wish you could be someone else
sometimes you just can't see yourself
but i can see just who you are
you're exceptional
the way you are, don't need to change for nobody
you're incredible, anyone can see that
when will you believe that,
you are nothing but exceptional.
you left a letter as a clue
set me in the afterspot where i first kissed you
holding my head in my hands
you brushed a tear off my face
one on one you confessed that this is all you can take
i'm broken & tired
there ain't nothing left to say
i'm crying
gave me no other chance you just walked away
you're leaving me behind..
(just let her go...)
can't you take it all back?
all the kisses you gave me
the tears that you left me with
i don't know how to react
on my own, by myself
how could you say goodbye?
it's cold in here. it's cold in here..
it's cold in here without you.
it's cold, it's cold & broken
thought it could be you
when you think of it, every little piece of it
is keeping me from turning blue
had to turn away.
didn't wanna see you giving me the wave
now i know
that i can't make you stay
but where's your heart?
but where's your heart T.T
& i know there's nothing i can say
to change that part..
the change that part.
i'm incomplete.
a life that's so demanding,
i get so weak
a love that's so demanding
i can't speak
i am not afraid to keep on living
i am not afraid to walk this world alone
honey if you stay you'll be forgiven
nothing you can say can stop me going home
can you see me eyes are shining bright?
