All Over Again.♣
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 / 8:09 PM
Song(s) Of The Day :: One Republic - All The Right Moves
Basshunter - All I Ever Wanted
G-Dragon - Heartbreaker
Utada Hikaru - This One (Crying Like A Child)
Gabrielle - Survive
One Republic - Stop and Stare
Big Bang - Stay
Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest
Current Media :: GOMplayer - Friends
Current Mood(s) :: Overly depressed. Annoyed. Lonely. Neglected. Used. Broken. Dead. Hurt. Unwanted. Abandoned. Unneeded. Relief. Sad. Unhappy. Not happy. Sick. Burning throat, eyes & nose.
Yes, today I went to school anyways, I was sick T.T It's so annoying, when I put a jumper on it's hot as and when I take it off it's freaking cold as! So annoying =='!First double lesson today was French and we watched a movie about rich and poor people. It was quite enjoyable even though I only saw the second half of it. But I fell asleep so many times.. Me sick + movie + dark room = sleep. (Y).Next lesson I had was uhh, Japanese. We all came this lesson D: and I did work. Rofls, Masaki-sensei was being nice cause her teacher was here to assess her. :L. But yeah she was still a bitch :/
Recess was short lived, and instead of going to lesson Gamen & I went to the computer room so we could finish off other work.. but no. Damn fat Ms Spiker or some shit was a complete bitch. So instead we went to the girls changeroom and sat in the cubicles! We were going to do our work.. but then just got heaps lazy.. and when people started coming in we sat in one cubicle and locked the door. There, we had wild, crazy animal sex ;D! HAHAHA yups. Then we had a D&M moment. We talked aout a whole tonne of stuff, and I feel a lot lighter. Mms :) I'm glad I told her everything I could.. and I get things from her point of view now. We also discussed those in our group and yeah, everything I suspected. (Y). But yes, it was awesome :]]Lunch ROFLS, we went hella high agains. There were people fighting over a book.. guys getting sat on by Krystal.. Jenna screaming from being poked.. :L.. people playing Scribblenauts.. Indeedy, many things happened this lunch time and it was all highly enjoyable! :DScience to end the day, sexy, sexy science. What was it we did? Oh right, we had Mr. Smith for a relief and all we did was questions from the Chemistry booklet. I did well hehes. Yeah then I was going through Facebook photos and talked to Samuel for a bit about many things.
Afterschool, we went to Hungry Jacks where the boys had there stupid chip eating thingy. Lol. Then uhhmms, we went to Kenji's bus stop because he's a fag and waited for his bus to come. Sorry dude, I wasn't angry at you, I was just really moody cause I'm sick, I was heaps tired. Then went to go catch the bus with kitty where he just fell asleep toos.. Yeahs..Fairly alright day. I don't think I should've went though.. something in the morning actually made me regret coming. But.. in the end I think it was worthwhile despite how sick I felt. I feel closer to some people now.. and understand things a lot more. I'm still faking many things, but I also realised I wasn't the only one. That's just how we are.I never knew this, this is something I thought I was alone in.. but apparently not. I'm not the only one having messed up dreams where you end up alone or injured. It's scary, isn't it?
Reading one of those inspiring blogs, I realised something; I'm not alone, I'm lonely. I'm surrounded by quite a few people who could make me feel like the centre of attention, but I'm still not satisfied, I still feel lonely.What else about today have I learnt? Oh.. that I feel like you've used, bruised, got bored and then abandoned and neglected me, just like an old toy. It's like you don't need me anymore.. and when you give me that tiny hint of hope that you do, you'll quickly destroy it. You said that I'd never be alone.. and that I never should feel lonely because you'd always be there.. And that was all true. For a while. I know it's not possible for you to be anymore, because you have other more important priorities. But.. I somehow feel that you knew all this was coming, and you gave me false hope just for the fun of watching it disintergrate. I don't know why..
Loving someone is giving them the power to break you,
but trusting them not to.
But this has happened oh so many times before, and I actually honestly, truely trusted you to not be one of those liars, though you're turning out to be. Every moment just puts me into complete heartbreak, and I don't know if I can survive any longer.
You said you were always there for me,
but I guess you never intended to be.
& every time you mention her name,
I feel this unbearable pain.
I start to break and fall,
All I can do is crawl,
To a place where I can hide and heal.
Okay I don't even know what the fuck that was. :L:L.
