One sided♣
Thursday, September 17, 2009 / 6:32 PM
Song(s) Of The Day :: Story Of The Year - Until The Day I Die
Breaking Benjamin - Diary Of Jane
Linkin Park - Lying From You
Short Stack - The Back Of My Head
Varsity Fanclub - Love Song
Varsity Fanclub - Bad Habit
Varsity Fanclub - What I Really Wanna Say
Nick Carter - Funny Face
Claude Kelly - I Hate Love
Claude Kelly - Belong To You
Claude Kelly - Uninvited
Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit
Mario - Let Me Love You
Current Media :: GOMplayer - Friends :)
Current Mood(s) :: Confused 2dfm. Annoyed. Regretful. Curious. Alone and Lonely. Depressed. Hesitating. Sad. Sick. Unhappy. Upset. Sicksicksickkkkkk.
I went to school, again. But I woke up late and was reconsidering whether I should go or not :/ But I wanted to go buy stuff afterschool so went off anyways. Omg, the bus was late, so technically I wasn't late hehs. But ANJUU was there this morning! He's annoying, but so damn funny LOL. It looked like there was going to be a weather change, so byebye sunshine, let the rain fall it's last fall for the season.My first lesson today would've been Maths, but Gamen didn't wanna go so I went to keep her company. Instead we went to 'edit' and sat there listening to music and stuffs while Andy and Samuel played Scribblenauts. Then later on Helen came in as wells, yay! Ahahahas, it was really fun even though we weren't very productive. Oh oh! Andy found the stories of the Fatal Frame games for me to read.. and woahhs, they're really interesting! I'd love for all of them to be movies, be totally awesome. And I badly want to watch Fatal Frame 2! IT'S A 4D MOVIE SO YOU FEEL EVERYTHING XD Freaking awesome. Check it out sometime yeah? Search Fatal Frame stories on the ever so trustworthy Wikipedia hehes.I actually went to a lesson, Photography! Even though.. we didn't really do anything. Our next unit of work is on Depth Of Field, and I have no idea what that is. Oo, but I'm excited for the next unit! PHOTOSHOP :D! Hehes. Uhh I think we mostly just sat around doing random things.. and I started feeling really sick again @__@What else did we do? At recess? Spider ==' Grr. Umms.. yeah.. then instead of going to whatever lesson we had; Samuel, Andy, Kenji and I went to the computer room agains. Mina-san was in there ;D! Japanese Dramas are fun to watch, even if they do have a slow beginning. Lolols, anywhos we left those two alone and just did our own things. After a while Helen and Samuel left outside to talk.. and I did random things Oo.. Andy umm.. doing his Japanese assignment. Later on I ran outside to go do something which I can't remember, and then we got locked out of the computer room ==' so we all sat outside where the stairs were and talked about random things. Oh oh Kenji also showed us some of his karate stuff LOLOL. I know it's serious yeah? But do you know how bloody funny it is when he's all serious looking? And with every sudden movement he makes, his cheeks jiggle? HAHAHA! Lmaos, yeah.. then we went back in and sat around for a while and then packed up (Y).Lunch was motherfreaking awesome :D! We were gonna go into the gym and do circus things, but then got bored, so we went outside and played on the fitness playground! MOTHERBEEPING CHYEAHBOii! We're such little kids LOLs. But yeahs, there was also rockclimbing wall hehes. I found it weird how every piece of equipment positions you in perfect view of someones ass or chest. Quite amusing :). But yeeeeeeeees, it was great fun for us all.Gomen ne, Masaki-sensei. We went to the editing room where I spent time with my beloved Krystal :). First tried to fix the pictures on the DVD, and decided it would be easier to just take the pictures again. (Y). So we went to look for the camera she used in the beginning, which wasn't available and we had to try and lock the door, which we miserably failed at. So we just closed it an pretended it was locked and celebrated :D AHAHA, then we went to get a shitty camera and then went to take the pictures. Uploaded, and returned the camera. While Krystal was working on the cover and cropping the pictures in, Helen & I were reading that book Krystal and Maddie had about Harvard. It's so stalkerish and perverted, but freaking hilarious ROFLS. After that, Krystal & I went outside to have a little lunch date, where we talked about lots of stuff. I really liked it ^^.
Afterschool, they still had filming and Kenji & I went to go buy food for them. But first things first! Kenji got me 5 White Choc Macadamia Cookies from Subway! YUMMMMMMMMMMMM! And then we headed off to Maccas where we spent $60. 10x Deluxe Cheeseburgers, 5x Large Chips, 1x Medium Triple Cheeseburger meal, 1x Medium Big Mac meal, 2x 10 McNuggets. Yeah we're fat xD! We finished all the food :) ROFLS, Kenji had to carry a box because we had that much food xD Yeahs, we went back and they took their turns to eat while they swapped roles in the filming room. Soon enough they all finished and all came out. It was fun, like a little get together for a small close group of friends. Complete with mixed food, lots of smiles&laughter and 'That's What She Said' jokes. After everyone left we went to the Marion'ers bus stop and sat around with them. Here, Samuel dropped a bomb and almost killed everyone. While I was completely oblivious to this fact with my blocked nose :D. Many more jokes were told :L and much laughter was shared :D. Afterwards when they caught their bus, we went to our bus stop where we had a wait a fair while.. but it was okay because we weren't bored. On the bus, the boys played Scribblenauts while I got tired. Then we were going to go to Arndale, but I had left my wallet in Kenji's bag D:! Ngaws, just my luck :/ But oh wells, now I guess I'll be saving money yeahs?Okay so overall I had a fairly good day, better than most. It was fun :) & it helped me make my act feel more real and believable, even I believed it fully. Everything is becoming a bit more bearable and a bit more clearer. I'm glad.But last night, I had a hugeeeee argument. Yes you, if you read this you will know. I don't really care what you say, you'll never change my mind. As I've told you many, many times though you've refused to listen and ignored that I ever said it. I'm NEVER going to leave him, ignore him, ditch him as a friend. I don't care how much pain I'm in, I need him.. and as long as he's still there in the end it will be worth it, this suffering is all worth it because his friendship is my reward. I don't ever think about the future, or what the result will be.. that would cause me to fear too much and I'd never be able to end up doing ANYTHING. As I said, in the end if that other person is still there, it's all worth it. You know what? How would YOU sir feel if someone told you to ditch me, because I was causing you all this grief..? By the things you said, I guess you would be able to. But I'm not like that, I don't want to risk losing ANYONE, I'm not that type of person no matter who you think I am. Do you know how many times I've hesitated to tell you something? Because I know what the result will be; I'll tell you what's on my mind just to let it out, and you will end up lecturing me about the same thing over and over again, til I'm forced to just give up give in. You're horrible in a way.. I know you're trying to help, but please.. it's all too much you're giving me at one single time. Can you give me some time to think about what I want to do? And maybe then lecture me little by little? And like I told you, once this whole mess I'm in blows over, I won't show you.. and maybe many others despite the few I've chosen, any sign of weakness. I won't show you that I'm unhappy, or that I have something on my mind. I won't tell you a thing. You won't find out, no matter how much you try.. because I refuse to give in to you.Despite this, there's you as well. You're so confusing. I feel so one sided, I don't know a thing about you. I realised I'm always the one talking to you, I'm always the one suggesting we do something, I'm always the one to do it first. I don't even know how you feel about anything, I don't even know if I know you. You don't tell me anything. It's like I'm opening up to a stranger. I'm trying my best, to break down this wall you've built, but I'm just getting weaker and I haven't even chipped the top layer. Why won't you let me in? Am I that bad? .. Does that mean you've been lying to me every single time you've told me that I'm a friend worth keeping? Will you ever let me in? .. or just keep me on the outside, shivering in the cold..
This isn't targetted to anyone in particular; but a few people who I deem close. What's the point in really replying to me if you have nothing to say. Your cold, shortass replies make it hard for me to say something back, and when I don't know how to reply and don't say anything you tell me I'm snobbing you off. When these times occur, I tend to start singing and fill up the silence, by which you all usually tell me I'm being annoying. Yeah, my efforts are rarely.. almost never rewarded. And I'm super sick and tired of fucking trying to patch up every fucking friendship I have. Everything is always so onesided for me. Am I destined to be alone then? Maybe so..To end off my rants, there's another problem which popped up today. One we never thought would appear for a while, but now it has and we will stand and fight (: We'll support you through it all and nothing will tear us down. We're there for you, no matter what happens ne? Be brave my dear one :DKays, I'm too tired to type out lyrics, and I don't know which lyrics to show today.. Maybe just go through my Songs Of The Day and pick out some titles you may like yeahs? :)
