rolling dice

The power of friendship.♣

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 / 6:46 PM

I haven't been posting, cause it's the holidays! There's no daily post about what I've been doing .. cause it's probably just the same thing day in, day out. Sitting at home, snacking constantly, Photoshop attempts, movies/dramas/tv shows/animes, everlasting music, blog/youtube/web-surfing and the occasional napping when there's nothing else to do. I'll probably only post reflections and recounts on the days I go out somewhere with the crew :) And since I'm posting right now, that means I've gone out somewhere, yay! Finally ^^

I actually went out yesterday thoughs, but I was too lazy to post about it hahahas. After I came home, there seemed to be other issues I had to sort out and I was also feeling a lot better quite frankly. Weird, I know. Lols. Anywhos, yesterday I went to Kitty's hosue to get my phone back, since I left it in his car the other day. When I arrived, first thing I noticed was his hair was different. He was .. actually more attractive ;D! I know right, I never thought it was possible, but ladies and gentlemen, it happened! WOOH! LOL. Ahahahas, I had a really fun day yesterday. ^^ You know, just a day in with the best buddy :P? Lool .. I don't remember exactly what we did. I don't think we did anything specific. But oh, we went through class photos. God damn, that boy has grown up quite a bit. In year 8, he was simply adorable. In year 9, even cuter! But pwoah, this year, in year 10, he's a big boy now =P! HAHA! Yeehs, and umm, we also watched Beyblades; cause we're cool like that? LOL! Kidding. But yes, what else? Ohhhh! I cranked up a few beats (H) and of course his favourite song atm, STEREOPHOBIA baby ;D HAHAHA. He's a complete retard I swear. He brings new meaning to the phrase, 'Dance like nobody is watching' yeah. ROFL. He even shook up a cup of water ==' Guess who got wet? Yups. LOL. Hm .. Yeah. We just did really random things that day but it was well spent I say :) You don't need to spend money to have fun ;D You've shown me that =]

After I came home, I was actually pretty tired, but quite worked up as well. I was .. a different person you could say. Cause I sure as hell felt like it. I knew it was hurting, but I didn't care. I had fun and that positiveness just fully took over me. I actually feel like I'm getting over him, easily. I was a lot happier yesterday, the most I've felt for quite a while. It was like I was a whole new person really, and I felt great about it! Like .. me, but a lot more positive and happy? Yeah! Everything seemed a lot better now, and I meant everything. And I was on my way to believing it would get even better. ^^

Anywhos, today I went out for lunch with a couple of friends :) A few of us met at Arndale and then bussed to town to meet the other two boys, Chris and Harvard. A little chit chat and then we headed off to Chinatown to have some yumchaaaaaaaaaa! Which was fair awesome I say, since I'd been craving it for a while now hahas. We ate at Starhouse. Have I told you how much I love Starhouse? It has a great atmosphere, whether for family or friends. The food is great to me :D and there are at times .. some exquisite sights to see, if you know what I mean ;) Ahahas yeah. We ate .. quite a lot I'd say? We were all full by the end hahas. The food was awesome ^^ Hehehes and the bill only came up to $112 or something? We did alright (H). It was pretty funny though, cause our table was so small that we had to stack up everything on it ROFL. ^^ Yaaaaaaay. Hahaha then we headed off to look for an internet+gaming cafe. Went to Aztec first, that was full D: then Hive which was also full, not really surprised at that though :] So we walked to Hindley St and went to Rush. At first it was hella stuffy in there :S so me and Gamen went out to grab some fresh air and also a soft serve from Maccas around the corner. Hehehes. Then we went back to Rush and just sat around for a while. Chris, Harvard and Steve were playing CS :L while Andy was using his time wisely browsing the net. Gamen and me just wondering around ahaha. Ohh, I also had this Korean Icecreamy thing 8D It was really nice hahas. Exactly how I described it to Andy, ''It's like flavoured iced milk!" LOL! Yup :) Yeahh. After an hour we left to head home because Andy has to go to the airport and pick up his sister who's coming down from Sydney (Y). We all got off at Arndale and Andy waited to get picked up by his dad. Then Stevuu and I walked Gamen home :) and then we dropped by the park for a couple of minutes. ^^ After a little bit of playing around ^^, we walked to the bus stop so I could catch the bus home =]

Two good days out with friends :) .. ahh .. friends. What does a best friend mean to you? No, not WHO, WHAT? What would you expect of someone you would call your best/close friend? Or people you would call your best/close friends? I want someone who seems to know .. just what to say when you're down. Even if they don't say exactly what you need to hear, they'd show you they're truly trying their best for you. They're there for you whenever you need them to be, and always up for hanging out. Someone who understands you, or at least tries their best to and would never judge you. If someone was talking about shit about you behind your back, they'd never agree. Heck, they'd defend you even if you were wrong. Why? Because they're your best friend. They'd do anything to protect you and never regret it. If you changed into someone else, they'd be changing with you, no matter what you guys are friends and you'd stick by eachother. If something goes wrong, they wouldn't hesitate to ask you trusting you wouldn't lie to them or avoid the matter.

But maybe my expectations are just a little bit too high. That's too much to ask of anyone, especially .. toward me. Although.. honestly, there were a few people that I thought were different. They were people I called my best friends. I believed they had met my expectations and I had no doubt about it. Why? .. Because they sort've proved it to me. I knew it was a little .. too good to be true. From what happened today .. I guess I had expected a little bit too much. Maybe it's just me being shocked, thinking a little too much, but you know what? I can't help but feel a little betrayed and disappointed. I honestly thought if there was something up, you'd go right ahead and ask me about it because you know I wouldn't lie to you and I'd tell you the truth. I never in a million years thought you would ever go behind my back and join the gossip circle. .. I'm still a little upset and hurt I guess. But that's just little old me ..

There's one person though, that's stood out. Thankyou =) You know who you are, no need for naming and shaming.

But .. I really do need someone who meets all those standards I've set. How do I plan on doing that? I try to be what I want them to be. Maybe we'll grow into eachothers habits that way. ... But who in their right minds would want to be my friend? Everyone who's been so in the past has been hurt in some way by my stupid, stupid, thoughtless actions. Hah..

Yes I am getting over him. I'm doing it well. I've had troubles, but I'm getting there fast. We are nothing but good friends, very good friends? But, that's all there is to it. I know what I've been doing wrong, and I'm fucking sorry. But I don't have the strength to stay away from someone who's shown and proven to me I'm not always going to be alone.

On another note, you know what's fucking annoying? When you've set your MSN status to 'BUSY' which I don't know really .. probably means you're fucking BUSY!? And to add onto that, you have changed your Display Name and probably even Personal Message to something .. maybe aggressive or depressing to keep away unwanted chatters. Then some random freak decides that out of all the times you have your status as ONLINE and you're happy to talk, they decide to talk to you when you obviously don't even seem like you're up for it? Some people are just complete fuckheads. AND YOU! What the hell!? What makes you think I wanna depend on you again? You fucking broke my heart twice. I don't want that to happen again. ==' Seriously. GRR.

Anywhos. YEAH! That's my day. Despite what happened, I understand where you came from. I do understand. I just hope that next time something happens that you're unsure or unhappy about, please just fucking talk to me about it? I may be unhappy at you for thinking something, but I'll understand. I'll explain to you in full detail my actions because it was probably my fault for you thinking like that anyways hahahs. I am a very weird an unpredictable person at times... but I do try my best.

Oh fuck that all. Just shoot me already. Then you'll end and prevent all present and future problems. Kill me.