Riverside Motherchuckers!♣
Wednesday, September 23, 2009 / 4:34 PM
Song(s) Of The Day :: Elliott Yamin - Don't Be Afraid
Elliott Yamin - You Say
Story Of The Year - Until The Day I Die
Chris Brown - With You
Varsity - Bad Habit
Seam - Cry baby
Elliott Yamin - Wait For You
RJ Helton - Missing Me
Pitbull feat. Frankie. J & Ken-Y - Tell Me [Remix]
Frankie J - Don't Wanna Try
Stevie Hoang feat. Mr. Smith - Before You Go
Taylor Swift - Love Story
U-Kiss - As Long As You Love Me
Current Media :: Windows Media Player - Music
Current Mood(s) :: Annoyed.. but trying to keep the mood positive by singing mood ^________^ But .. seriously depressed. Misunderstood. .. Confused. Blank? Empty. Alone, lonely. Frustrated. Pushed aside, abandoned & forgotten. It's aching badly.. and the pain is unstoppable.
I'll write about yesterday first yeah? And then I'll continue onto today (Y). Sorry, didn't blog yesterday.. wasn't in the mood as you might've noticed.. But yeaaaaaaahs. Let's go!
Yesterday was heaps fun :) Started off with being at the bus stop.. not knowing how I should be feeling. I was still depressed, very. And yeahs.. got to school and it got a little better :)
What happened? Ums I had Japanese first up, which I did actually go to! Apparently we had a test first up, which I did bad in.. I don't even know why I did bad. But that's in today's complaint so that'll be later on in this blog. Anywhos, we did the test and Masaki-sensei gave Helen, Gamen and me the rest of the time to write our dialogue. Which we completed, and more than ready to perform, but she changed it to tomorrow (which is today)? Lols.. Yeah, that's basically what happened (Y).
Our next lesson, which I never guess we'd go to was ENGLISH! I only went because I heard we were watching Romeo and Juliet :) I thought it'd be interesting, which it was .. but I somehow lost track of the plot and got drowsy. Ahaha.. yeahs. Oh, stupid Zerner also had a massive fit at us for just asking 'why are we watching this?' .. What the freak.
Recess~ I can't remember what happened kays. :L. PE! I did intend on going, but I really could not be fucked since I was feeling 'sick'. Lols, so everyone went to 'editing'. Ms Severin needed the computers so we went around the school in search of another free computer room. After a while of roaming, we decided to go into the Photography room. That was heaps fun :) It was just really random, where no one really decided to do any work. :L. Or because they couldn't because stupid Kenji needed my hard drive to copy One Piece --" So yeahs, we just sat around doing random things (Y). ROFL, Mr. Brogden was messing with our comps using Net Support. LOLOLOL. It was so funny xD HAHAHA. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, oh oh ! And I also swapped jumpers with Kenji while Gamen swapped jumpers with Steve. LOL, :D.
Lunch was .. fair gay. Some fuckhead decided to stomp in a massive muddy puddle and soil me & Krystal's uniform.. and HaYeon's face + probably food. I fucking hate him even more now, I swear he can get expelled for all I care. Fuck sakes. I had to change into my PE uniform and it was heaaaaaaaaaps cold --" But yeah, after I got cleaned up and all we started to have fun. I taught the girls how to unhook their bras with one hand.. LOL. And Helen decided to try while we were outside, and failed epically. ROFL, then the guys were talking about morning wood. Yeah, it was a great lunch I guess despite the fact some dickhead jumped in a puddle and I had to get changed into freezing short shorts.
I don't go to maths, but I'm still up to date :) I don't go to normal lessons, but I'll come for the test. So yeah, I'm a good girl 8) LOL.. so what did we do? I can't really remember.. just the 6 of us sitting around computers. Omg we were all in couples? Oo" .. Lol ............................... Yeah. It was all really random and full of tunes for me (8) .. and at the end we all swapped jumpers :D It was fun ^^ .. Because we're cool like that (H). And we attempted to take pics, but that failed as well ): .. we have to try again tomorrow (Thursday)!
Then yeah.. we went to Hungry Jacks and hung out there til Krystal came back from Volleyball and picked up Gamen. We sat outside eating for a while, and when Kenji left we came back inside to sit and wait. It was pretty funny I reckon =P Random jokes and all.. Because that's how we are :)
What else did we do? Mm.. then we caught the bus home.. and after I came home.. I .. went online and did some homework :) Til I got really tired and decided to take a half hour powernap. It actually helped ^^. When I came back, like 20 minutes later PAUL came on! OMG GUESS WHAT NIGGERS? Paul has a phone now! And it's on 3! So YAY free minutes :D Chyeahhh. :L. Yeahs.. then I finished off my homework and was watching NCIS and random tv or music for the rest of the night. I can't remember what happened online.. but I guess nothing that bad which made me unhappy.
TODAY! I woke up and stayed in bed an extra 10 minutes and had to rush my shower, getting dressed, drying my hair, fixing my hair and packing my bag. I made it on time actually, hehs. But yeah, got to the bus stop, caught the bus .. where we had to stand again --" Noticed Andy wasn't there in the morning ): Ngaws, he must be heaps sick.. ANDY GET WELL SOON NIGGER<3!>Lols, then umms, when we got to school I wasn't in such a great mood for some reason but I guess that was hidden well enough? But yeah then me and Gamen went through Harvards iPod, which actually has girly taste :) Hehehes.
First lesson would have been French, which I was supposed to .. and was going to go to. But they wanted to bludge so uh, yeahs. Went to the computer room, where that class had a relief teacher and he was really nice :] Helen, Gamen and Samuel on the computer, Steve and Kenji studying with the aid of Vuong .. and me just inbetween. I sat there listening to music the whole double which was refreshing and relaxing for me.. But I guess some convo got out of hand and got me really pissed off for some reason. Yeah I hate my friends being talked about in a bad way. Leave that rant for later on yeahs?
Lesson 3 was Japanese, which we thought we were going to perform our dialogue.. but she put it off again @__@ and I don't know what we did.. We got our listening test back and my results were heaps bad. :L. But seriously, I put a lot of effort to write my answers in complete sentences and at times I only got 1 mark out of the 2, but others who put in no effort whatsoever and wrote 'wakarimasen' or 'shiranai' got 2 marks. That's just fucking stupid, like yeah give them 1 mark or something and I wouldn't complain. But come fucking on! 2 marks? For not trying at all? IT'S COMPLETE BULLSHIT I SAY! But yeah whatever --" The rest of the lesson was spent just socialising.
Recess :) I ate yummy bread, made by Jenna and Maddie. THANKYOU :D! But yeah I just sat there freezing my ass off while eating bread .. and soon enough recess was over (Y).
After recess, I went to go get my jacket from my locker and Kevin accompanied me :] .. I know we're still on that track of being close friends again, and balancing the input but I still enjoy just spending time with you even if it's just a few minutes of the day. Lols, yeah.. we went to my locker and then he went to his class and I went to English. English was pretty good I say. We watched Romeo and Juliet, the modern one and that was a bit more attention catching to me. It was better as well cause I was reading the script from the book we borrowed. I shall attempt to read it all later :) Wish me luck? :L.
Lunch, was short lived. :L. I talked to Kimberly a bit and then signed out with Kitty :) We went to his old primary school to ask about work experience. Ahaha yeah! I'm pretty sure that teacher used to go to MY primary school.. and she was deputy principal and she was mean & scary :) Now she ain't so big :D Ahahahas it was fun (Y). Then yeah we walked to Arndale and went around to buy food. SUBWAY CINNAMON SCROLL IS JUST LOVE! It's so yummy. ^^. THENTHENTHEN We went to go meet PAAAAAAAAAAAAUL :L. It was funny sitting around talking to him for abit xD He's just fun to be around since I don't get to see him often I guess :) ^^ I don't like how they make me want to stop talking ): .. but yeahs. Later we caught the bus home and that's pretty much my day! Oh I came home and had ice cream ^^! Hehehes :D
So, what have my thoughts been for the past two days? I've realised something; I've completely given up on everything.. except that one person I never want to lose. It's so hard to just show you that I've stopped trying.. I don't know why.. But yes.. I'm too weak to try anything else.. I won't play anymore games, I'm sick and tired of it all.
I hate it. Even though I act like I'm fine with it, I completely hate it. I HATE IT. Why does it have to be everywhere.. Just being spoken about.. sends sharp pains to my heart that won't stop aching. It all just builds up til it becomes unbearable and the simple closeness of it being mentioned, I tear up badly. Argh.
There's a friend, who's found a solution to my troubles. He spent all weekend thinking and he'd finally came up with the solution I've been waiting for. He's realised the problem I've been keeping quiet about, and he's ending it. He's changing in a better way, because he's strong enough to.. and I envy that. But I don't want to force myself to change. Thankyou for giving us a chance to rebalance this friendship :D Even though it was going to last anyways, this just ensures me that it will, and it ain't just me giving false hope.
On the other hand, I don't want to put hope into anything. I don't want to get excited and worked up, just to find myself in the dark, all disappointed. I don't want that anymore, I've been through it one too many times with you and others. I just can't deal with it anymore. It's all too much.
Another rant, I just can't seem to get off my mind. I don't fucking get it. OKAY YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT? Think whatever you like about them, but keep it to yourself. They're my friends and I love them. They may not seem like they're worth it to you, but if you only gave them a chance you'd know why I feel the way I feel. They're amazing. They may even be better friends than the rest of you one day.. I know they've given themselves a bad reputation over the years, but can't anyone see that they've changed for the better? They're NOT bad people. They know what's wrong and what's right. In fact, they're even better humans than I am. Yup.. and why they mean so much to me? Probably because they make me feel needed. I trust people so easily, and I often get hurt.. and they're the ones that pick me up again. Not only do they allow me to trust them and ensure that I don't go through what the rest has, they trust me as well. They'll help me and let me pour out my heart to them when something's wrong.. even if they don't find the exact solution they've supported me the whole way with whatever I choose. I do the same for them and they know I'm here, always. They open themselves up to me and let me into their thoughts. They let me help and give me the feeling they need me.. So they haven't just said it as routine like the rest of you have, they've proven it. Even with you, I'm unsure if you mean what you mean.. or if it's just me wanting you to mean it and allowing myself to become blind. If I think about it properly, I don't think you've proved it to me at all .. none of you have. There's only a few ..
Yeaaaaaaaaah! And you Nakamura! You know what? YEAH HE'S LOST A LEG AND HE'S STILL THE PARTYBOY EVERYONE LOVES! And I admire that. He's proven he's not at all weak, and he's not letting that one obstacle stop him from living his life to the fullest. He's an amazingly strong person :) & that's probably just one of the things I love about him :)
Okay yeah I talk a lot, but you bloody know why and I don't know why you'd complain if you knew the reason. It's happened before, a great friend of mine told me I've changed and he liked the old me better. Now.. I talk too much and he hates it. I was heartbroken really. But I kept quiet, and to myself. I never tried to explain myself.. Why should I? To someone that I've already lost. There's no point since they've made their choice and you've lost them for good. But the truth was and is, I talk a lot probably because you're not talking to me. I don't want my conversations to die so I'll take whatever measures to keep the flame alive. I even start singing :) .. and it really annoys people, I've noticed. So yeah, I'm really giving up. There have never been and never will be any rewards/results to my efforts, why bother wasting my energy aye?
Wow, does that all sound hardcore to you? My thoughts I meant.. like pwoah. I do think too much. :L.
Do I want to type out lyrics? Yeah I think I might, I have an assignment to avoid :) & no one to really waste time with, so yeah! Ikimashou!
I don't care who you are, where you're from,
What you did, as long as you love me.
I tried to hide it so that no one knows,
But I guess it shows ..
When you look into my eyes.
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid we'll make it out of this mess,
It's a love story, baby just say yes.
I got tired of waiting.. wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith is you is .. fading.
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said, 'Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.'
I keep waiting for you but you never come!
Is this in my head, I don't know what you're thinking..
Knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
' Marry me Juliet! You'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, you'll pick out a white dress.
It's a love story, baby just say yes!'
Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for you.
For you.
As years go by, I'll race the clock with you.
But if you die right now, know that I'd die too.
You remind me of the times when I knew who I was.
But still the second hand will catch us, like it always does.
We'll make the same mistakes,
I'll take the fall for you.
I hope you need this now, cause I know that I still do.
Until the day I die, I'll spill my heart for you.
Should I bite my tongue? Til blood soaks my shirt.
We'll never fall apart, so tell me why this hurts,
so much.
My hands are at your throat,
And I think I hate you.
But still we'll say 'remember when' just like we always do.
We make the same mistakes,
Mistakes like friends do.
Maybe it was wrong to say,
Nothing as you walked away.
Baby I know you've been confused,
Telling me that it's too late.
I thought you'd say goodbye for good,
But you're still here with me.
How did we get so misunderstood?
Cause you say, you ain't got time for me.
Actions speak louder than words.
You try to say you'd rather be, all by yourself.
But I can see the way, the way you look at me.
And baby I don't believe, believe what you say.
