rolling dice
now i'm jumping on the questions again, losing all my senses again - i'm a rolling dice and i don't think twice, i gave my heart away
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Wednesday, September 23, 2009 / 10:28 PM

What's with you? Why does it feel like .. our friendship is one of pity. The only reason you're here with me now is because you feel sorry for me. Why? .. Is it true? If so then .. don't even bother. Don't waste your precious energy and time on me. I may seem helpless, and desperate for company because I'm so scared of being alone. But you know what? I choose my company carefully. Only those I deem worthy, I shall keep. I don't want you following me around like this ..

It's so confusing. I don't even know what we are anymore. I keep telling myself to give up, that I've already given up.. but never on you. No, not ever. How could I possibly, ever, push away someone I need so much. It's impossible, but like this .. it hurts. Don't tell me you need me, don't. Don't feed me all these lies, I'm already full of them, you've fed me more than enough. It aches, because I don't know if I can believe in what you say. I really, really, really want it all to be true, oh so much. But what if it isn't? What happens then? Do I break down while you turn around and walk away with a smile and not one feeling of guilt? You're.. you mean so much to me.. that I don't even care if you're lying anymore. I'll hold on to who I thought you were, if that's what it takes to keep you by my side.. Maybe I am that desperate. I contradict myself.

You're just so amazing, every part of you, everything about you is like a drug to me. Yeah I'm pretty darn obssessive, but I have my reasons. Because I need you. Because I'm that pathetic.

Okay I'll stop here, I don't know what I'm saying anymore, nor do I know what my purpose was in the beginning. Right now, all I know is that I miss you. Even if you think nothing's changed, I know it has .. and I don't like it one bit. You're different now..