rolling dice

now i'm jumping on the questions again, losing all my senses again - i'm a rolling dice and i don't think twice, i gave my heart away

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You're a complete bastard.♣

Sunday, September 27, 2009 / 6:02 PM

Don't you dare tell me how to live. Don't you even think about telling me what's wrong or what's right, 'cause quite frankly I don't think you even realise what you're doing is wrong or right. You fail at being a father. What the fuck? You're son is starting his own business, which may someday become an enormous phenomenon in Australia. He's starting his life over, and you can't seem to show any support. Fuck sakes. He comes to you, asking you to be his first customer and what do you say? What do you do? You turn him down and tell him what he's doing is a complete scam. ... Seriously, what the hell? Can't you show a little support? His friends are there for him, his mother, his sisters are there for him. You, being his father, whom he's supposed to look up to, however are not. You're a complete dinkus. I'm sick and tired of you, seriously. Can't you show him a little support? He's been through a lot, and yeah his younger years weren't anything to be proud of either, but so? He's not embarrassed about it, he won't hide or deny it all. But you however.. \sigh. I don't even want you as a father.

As a child .. all I remember was you being a drunken bastard with your drinking buddies at a young age. Thinking my mother was your 'slave'. I honestly hated you. And in one of your druken nights, you actually kicked us out of the house. For what? For nothing. We (mother, sister, brother & I) were forced into our freezing cold backyard at midnight. Who the hell does that? Later on we snuck in of course. But yeah, what the hell, seriously? And another night you left the house to go drinking, you came back and you hit on your friends wife? IN FRONT OF ME!? IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER!? SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYY! FUCK YOUUUUUU! Okay yeah you were drunk, but that's not a good enough excuse. I hated you from that day on. Another time, I was out with a family friend .. and on our way home we got a call from my mother and we picked her up nearby. She was in tears. What happened? You, you bastard, threatened to hit her with a chair. You actually did from what I recollect, even if it was lightly. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. You're a bastard and I hate you. You complete jerk. While she was trying to escape and go somewhere else for the time being, the drunken idiot across the road .. okay I'll stop here and maybe rage to someone on MSN about it. Don't wanna talk. But yeahs. I hated you, and I still do. That day, we didn't come home, we went to my sisters house and lived there for a week or so. I seriously hoped you had died, so we could go back home and be safe. That was the best family moment I think I had as a child. How glad I am, that it didn't include you? As a family, sister provided us shelter not asking for anything in return. Brother went home and picked up some clothes for me and my mum.. That night we had a fun moment .. being an innocent child I didn't know better. But now that I'm older and look back on it, you seriously were a dick. What's worse? This all happened before I reached the age of 10. .. Pwoah. Not even I think, 7 maybe?

.. And now, you cry and expect me to accept you as my father. Telling me to respect you and follow your orders. No. I refuse to do so. Ever. Never will I do what you want. Nothing you say or do, will change what you've done in the past. I hate you, honestly. And maybe someday, when you die, I may cry and I may miss you. But not as a father. Just as someone I thought could be my father. Someone I thought I could depend on, yet never had I had a father figure in my life. All thanks to you.