rolling dice
now i'm jumping on the questions again, losing all my senses again - i'm a rolling dice and i don't think twice, i gave my heart away
♠ ♥ ♣ ♦


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Even if it kills us.♣
Thursday, October 29, 2009 / 9:56 PM

I don't know what the hell's going on anymore. It's happening all over again. One minute it seems like everything's okay .. and going steady. Things are gonna get better, but then every single fucking piece of hope is destroyed. By what? By who? No other but you baby.

Am I the only one that wants things back the way they were? Am I fighting alone.. once again? If so then, you know what? Fuck it. Every single effort I've put into rebuilding a friendship has always gone down the drain. It's never once returned. You don't seem to care anymore.

What I don't understand? Why you would make so many promises of keeping me sane and happy. Why you would promise me I'd never be alone again .. yet just like that, you turn around and leave. What happens then? I'm left there to rot and die.

I put my best effort into waking up every morning and finding the strength to try again, it takes up a lot of energy to keep this smile on my face. It's taken up all my energy. How much longer can I last? I don't know really, but I'm guessing it won't be much longer. Every fucking day waking up and telling myself today it'll work and things will get better, I've had enough. Seeing that smile on your face, hoping I get a share .. but all I get is a cold fucking stare. It pains me every day to see you walking away.

Are you going along with their plans .. ? Do you plan on slowly and eventually abandoning me? Really? Is that what's been going on? You jerk. You are the last person on Earth that I thought would ever treat me like this.

So what now? Am I dead to you? A lifeless figure wandering around trying to grasp onto what was of the past? Trying to reach out and hold onto you, hoping you'll turn around and remember... no. I'm worse than that, I'm completely motherfucking invisible.