rolling dice

La la la lonelayy.♣

Sunday, October 4, 2009 / 8:30 PM

Oh wow, hahaha, today was quite a lonely day :) And you know what? I survived it! I got out alive, with no complaints at all. Ohh! Today was daylight savings as well! So everyone wind your clocks forward an hour! Hahaha, by doing so I slept til 2:30pm today. Wow, latest this holidays. Hmm, woke up to find noone in particular online so I set my status to busy, turned on Friends and started Plants Vs Zombies. I finished season 6 of Friends! And I'm up to level 5-9 of Plants Vs Zombies (Y). I think I'm missing a few episodes from season 7 :S? I only have like 10 or something O__O'' But yeaaaaaaah.

Hahahas, today also is KEN/CUONG's 16th birthday! He invited me to his beach bash :) and Steve haha .. I didn't go though cause I didn't know anyone, told him I'd only go if there were others I knew that were going. Omgsh, whatta pimp! He only had girls coming LOL.
Ken/Cuong; Where are all my guy friends? ):
Me; .. Dude you go to CBC, it's full of guys HAHA.
Anywhos, I don't think he ended up going :/ Ngaaws. But still .. after that I just sat there with my msn being the quietest it's ever been. Hmm, you know what? I don't think I really minded it being this quiet, I just had time to myself.

Later on, the sister came over and invited me to All You Can Eat sushi at Sumo restaurant xD There was another 2 hours to go, so she went home and I got ready :) Watched an ep of friends, then went to get a shower. Wahh, I wore pretty clothes today :) My sexy blue+white pinstriped tabbed sleeve shirt and my button up skirt. Very fancy :) I love wearing officey clothes, sexy ;D Hahahas. Mm, got out of the shower and watched a little bit more of friends and my brother had come over to pick me up :) It was .. quite a surprise really .. my ex was with them rofls. It was heaps awkward at first :S Yeah .. I didn't speak the whole way there .. didn't really know what to say lols.

When we got there, I was a bit more comfortable around him :) By the end we were perfectly normal friends again. It was really fun. ^^ We stuffed our stomach full of Japanese goodness and shared tonnes of laughter. I sort've.. actually.. haha.. really miss him. What triggered all that? His sweet smile and smooth voice. He really was the perfect boyfriend in my eyes .. Our time together was short lived, and ended with a big boom. But the time we had together, I'd say was the best. He was always there for me, and every moment we shared together was heaven. Despite what you did to me, I guess I was really willing to forgive you. Because .. I loved you. Yeah, I really miss being in a relationship I guess. :/

Hahaha, today wasn't much of a social friend day for me, much more of a family kinda day. And I didn't really mind it at all. I guess it's sort've true, friends have their own lives and there's no guarantee that their future has any room for you in it. Family however, no matter what happens, you're there. Even if you don't want to be a part of it, you are. There's nothing you can do to change that. Love, doesn't consist of just happiness. It brings on many, many other emotions; Anger, Hurt, Pain, Joy, Happiness.. everything. So, even if family tend to make you upset, I guess it is a special kind of love you'll never find anywhere else. Hahaha, I guess I've been doubting my family all along, and I was wrong. Sorry guys.

Friends .. friends .. friends .. I have no idea what to say about them anymore. I know, I know there are two friends I simply treasure, because they've shown me that not only do I need them, but they need me as well. They're impossible to live without now. I thank you two :) .. Scary how one of them I only met early this year and the other ... about a year and a half now we've spent together. I love those two dearly :) My monkey and my sunflower ♥

As for the others, don't take it the wrong way, I love you guys probably just as much. But there are things you've done .. that maybe have hurt me a bit. Because .. I thought you'd never be that kind of person. Never, ever. But you've proven me wrong and I guess have disappointed me. The two mentioned above, I sort've kinda expected them to .. never be this close to me. But I guess they do now, and they've shown me they're here to stay. Even if they've found their other half, they'll always include me in their daily thoughts. They don't just help me with their problems, thinking I only need them and they couldn't care less if I was there or not, they need me to help them as well. When something's wrong, they know I'm there for them and never hesitate to tell me what's on their mind. You guys .. seem like .. you're only here for my sake. You only talk to me because I seem down and I need you to cheer me up. Never do you tell me what's wrong when I ask you. Am I not helpful to you in any way .. ? Am I really that useless? Lols.

I don't know anymore. Too much ranting for one day.

Today I miss you more than ever. You're more distant now, than you've ever been before .. but this time, this time I'm not allowed to crawl back. I'm not allowed to get close to you anymore. It's heartbreaking really .. I don't know if I can pick myself up from the mess I'm in, and I don't know if I really want to either. You're not .. that person anymore, because you can't be ... And .. I really, really miss you. My heart feels empty now =/ .. There's really no meaning left for me. I'm like an empty shell, a zombie walking amongst the rest.

Hahaha, I really am useless without that someone in my life. That someone that will make me laugh, make me cry and then make the pain go away. The one I'd run to, to escape this drama filled life. I really miss having that someone .. =/

Ahh, lonely days make me think too much. I'm back in my depressed mood again, thanks a lot friends.