I feel more depressed now, than ever before.

' I mean I've blown her off to be with you many times. '

I haven't been able to get that out of my head since the moment you said it .. and I have no idea why. Maybe it explains the guilt I'm feeling? ..I'm sorry I feel the need to be with you. I'm too selfish. I'll stop now.. I'll stop asking to have time with you.. But how many times have I said that before? And turned around and done the exact opposite.. That's right, many times. Because I just can't not be with you. It makes me sick, when you're away from me. You have no idea how painful it is for me.. waking up with this empty feeling every morning because I know I have to be away from you. I'm homesick.

Anywhos, this morning started off like any other.. but on the bus I heard Jason Derulo - Whatcha Say after downloading it awhile ago, it's addictive. It's an RnB/Acoustic Version of Imogen Heap's 'Hide and Seek'. It's probably one of those songs I can have on repeat for days on end :) Ahh, since the bus was gonna take a while we went to buy Oporto chips, they're the best! Hehes. If you haven't had them before, you're missing out on so much. Hehe yumm!

First lesson today was French and we moved to room 1 cause the seniors had exams in the language centre. We were on laptops today and Jess was sitting next to me for a bit. That was fun, that girl is absolutely adorable. But she's so freaking weird ROFL.. giggles after every sentence. In the lesson I pretty much just sat there doing jackshit.. I was just so tired and doing work would've gotten my mind back to thinking. So I just sat on the floor next to Samuel and watched whatever he was doing on the laptop.

In Japanese, I went to get a laptop and I stuck my portable hard drive in :D I watched a bit of Bolt, and showed Harvard who Usher was :P .. We also watched a little mychonny and yeah. Hahaha, short lesson and we didn't do much either.

After recess, I had English and for the first 20 minutes or so Gamen and I roamed around the school searching for a free computer or two. In the whole entire school, there were absolutely no computers free whatsoever. So we just went back to class and handwrote our work, that always tires me out hardcore. Doesn't help my wrist either.. but yeah I wrote like a decent page of work and handed that up. For the last half an hour we went outside to practice our scene and you know what? Things are surprisingly going sort've well, even though we put no effort into it whatsoever.

Lunch was ugh, someone keeps telling me to go away because I don't know how to play 13s, and that for some reason pisses me off. Like ffs dude.. then he took my spot and that made me even more pissed off. Recently, his voice annoys me so much, his attitude too. I'm so tired of taking his shit, seriously I'm not letting you take advantage of me, I just like to avoid the arguments and shit so I do whatever you say. But enough is motherfucking enough.

Science, to end off the day.. and during the first lesson or something I got so bloody tired. While Ms Paps was explaining stuff I just kept nodding off to sleep. In the second half of the lesson we did some experimental pracs and I spilt Silver Nitrate Acid or something on my finger.. it's like all brown now. Like a darker patch of brown on my finger. I'm sort've scared something might happen? Lol.. but yeah. Then we went through our schedule for the next few weeks; due dates, tests and exams. Welcome back study stress :) It's almost examtime. I look forward to working with you for the next couple of weeks, after that though.. please leave me alone kay? ^^ The emotional stress is hard enough for me to handle..

When school was over, kittyboo and I went to catch the bus with Nathan.. They played 13s (Y), but I stole their Ace of Hearts card because it sounds and looks pretty. Hehe. But they played anyways and had Luan join them, according to what I saw, Nathan Ngo lost every round they played. What a noob =P

Kittywhore and I went to Arndale so I could get a bus ticket and some poster paper for my Science assignment. You know what? Lol, I had quite a lot of fun today with him :) and afterwards we went to Maccas to eat cause I was hungry :D He's so cute and adorable, yet dayum sexy, finee and hot at the same time ♥ hehe, I just love my kitty dearly. :)

Mm, today was a day where I felt like running away again, possibly suicidal. I'm sorry if it makes you feel bad when I say I feel that way.. and say the things that sound like I am going to do so. But that's just how I feel kay? I don't really like life, and I find mine useless. It's only there to bring pain to others and I hate it. I would end it if I could, but I'm just too wuss to do it.

What do I want? I don't know really. I just want someone.. probably. But yeah.. I don't really know. Things are just gay atm, like almost always.. and all I really wanna do is just run away from it all and spend time with those who make me smile and feel needed. Because they're just there to have fun.. right now I can only find one .. possibly two people who would be willing to do that for me.

Things are gay now and I don't know where or who I can run to. There's no other choice for me than to run away and be alone, sort've like I am most of the time.