rolling dice

The spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.♣

Sunday, November 22, 2009 / 10:21 PM

Current Mood(s) :: Regretful. Guilty. Bad. Upset. Selfish. Stupid. Useless. Annoying. Annoyed. Empty.

I've had such a busy weekend, how was yours? Saturday started off late, with a shower and rushing to get ready for Viet school. As soon as I was done, my sister arrived to pick me up. Maths school was pretty fun :) Me and Rita talking and catching up about the past few weeks, so much has happened! Ngaw, how sad ): it's the last week we see Ms Kat, she won't be here for the rest of the year! And instead of getting a relief teacher, we're going to Neil's class :) .. where we're probably gonna be doing the exact same thang we do in Ms Kats class, nothing :D Which is fine by me :D
Straight after Maths school, my brother picked me and the cat up so we could go help out with some setting up for various functions. First, we went to the Croatian Hall and helped prepare some chairs. My strong buff kitty was unstacking the chairs while I walked around placing a cover on each chair for the other helpers to do :) ... It was so tiring ugh! But luckily, about an hour later we moved off to another location in the city. This one was by far my favourite place of the day. It was a poker theme'd birthday party! Everything was red, black and white.. as if you know me, you'd know they're my favourite colours. Hehe, we walked around exploring for a while til the balloons and helium tank arrived. Note to all: Never get the cat to tie up balloons because he takes forever for just one :) hehe. Hahaha and that's basically all we did. We also walked down the stairs like we were going to a formal, and that was pretty cool if I must say so myself ^^ it was nice :)
After we finished all the decorating, we all went to Cibo for a little relax.. I had a yummy hot chocolate and now I'm craving more. Sat there talking to the cat for a bit, before my brother's fiancee's sister took us back to her mum's house.. ohh, but before that.. My brother's fiancee told my kitty he was HOT and KAWAII and ran off giggling like a little girl! Tehe, I told you you're hot, handsome, sexy, pretty, cute, adorable, gorgeous and addictive hehe. Mm, back at the house we sat around talking for a bit.. and he also met one of the baby's, Ricki :) Omg I love that name! Hehe. He was pretty darn scared of the baby, but I don't know why.. it was just sitting in its pram innocently drinking its milk, no harm there right? Hahaha mm, then my brother drove us both home and that was pretty much the end of the day.

Oh, last night we had a little.. argument and I honestly have no idea why.. But I truely apologise for being the person I was.. Like you said, it wasn't like the me that you know, it was someone else, a total bitch. But maybe it was one of those moments where I think to myself 'Should I leave, before I get left?' ..and of course I don't want to.. but I'm unaware of the way I am, until it's too late.

Hahaha, this morning started off early didn't it? I woke up and had a quick shower, then headed off for the bus stop. I missed the damn bus, and asked my dad to drive me out to Arndale instead. I swear, he's such a bitch.. I call him and even though I'm like a minute or two away from the house, it takes him a bloody good 10 minutes before he gets there. How fucking stupid is that? Geez. But yeah, in the end I got there and we soon enough headed out to town :) The bus ride consisted of one sleepy cat I wasn't allowed to set my eyes on.. and me and Krystal text-talking to eachother :D Was alright I guess, had better.
In town we sat in City Cross for a little while, and then headed off to Maccas all the way down Rundle for a meal. I had a Happy Meal hehe :D it's becoming a part of my regular diet now HAH. Mm, then Krystal & I went to Valleygirl to do a little window shopping.. and then we waited for her friends to get there. Our whole group then went to Morning Glory and just hung around for a bit, I have no idea why. After running around looking at cute things, we all went to catch the bus to Marion. This bus ride was fucking hilarious HAHA, I got to know James a bit more :) and he's a pretty funny guy xD Mm, we realised we were late for the screening of New Moon and I don't think a few of us were in a movie mood.. and two of us left for a couple of minutes. Krystal, Billy, James and me walked around Marion for a bit and then we went to the foodcourt to just sit and talk. Then the other two came back and we went to the bus stop :)
Kitty here and there decided we could stay and hang around for two hours, since at the end of the day we needed to be in the same spot to get picked up. Mhmm, we walked back inside talking about things.. and he thought he'd run off and pretend to leave me, so I just went the other way and did a little shopping. Only for a couple minutes :) ... I went back up and met him standing in line at the cinemas LOL. I didn't have my ID card.. and if only I did then we could've watched something better ): .. but I guess settling for 2012 was pretty darn awesome. I actually got quite scared watching this, what if it really does happen :S ... hahaha someone comfort me ): .. anywhos. 2012 is actually a pretty good movie and I do recommend you watch it, if you're into that kinda stuff xD haha. Mm, then we caught the bus back to Arndale and sat there for a while waiting for my brothers fiancee. She scooped us up and we went to that Viet Charity Concert thing to raise money for the recent Natural Disasters situated in Viet Nam. It was pretty funny, a cute little TeoChiu boy sitting amongst a sea of Vietnamese people. Hahahaha, we sat there paying out Viet people for quite a while... and apparently we were supposed to help sell things out front, but we just went home instead.

Mmkay, first things first. I apologise for me being such a selfish inconsiderate bitch. I know I'm doing it when I am, but I can't seem to stop it. You can't put all the blame on me, you let me do this. It's because I always get the results.. that I continue to do what I do. Because I know you well enough to know how you'll react.. and I knew I was wrong in taking advantage of your kind nature. Honestly, I don't like this fact about me one bit, but it's the way I am... I wish I could change, but I wouldn't be me anymore would I? .. I don't really know what to do about this. Whatever happened was my fault, and I sincerely apologise, though I know it won't help at all.

Argh, my health has been going down a lot lately. I've been losing my appetite quite a bit and I always seem to be tired. My stomach pains have been worsening by the hour and it has nothing to do with menstruation. My wrist is fucking up again, after I do something with it for about half an hour or so.. And my heart/chest aches are killing me. All these symptoms have been coming so frequently lately, and I'm actually kinda scared.. But I'll put up with whatever pain I'm feeling, just to see your smile for a little while. I won't show it to you, for I know you'll be upset. I'll just put on a brave face and hide it away ..

I don't know why I'm so afraid of you going away. Actually, yeah I do. It's because I hate being alone and feeling lonely, this emptiness in the room that surrounds me, frightens me. And you're the only one that's ever cared enough to do something about it, you've proven it to me countless times. Now I'm in constant need of your company. But I should be able to deal with it right? I shouldn't depend on someone to always be there for me, especially when they have a life of their own to live. I should be considerate of their decisions and not be too fussy. And from today, I guess it just really bugs me when you're not within my sight.. cause having you around just makes me feel better. A lot better. You make everything worthwhile for me, and you've even become my reason to live.

What the hell am I to you? Who am I to you? I'll never know..

Let's change the topic now yeah? Something a bit more .. merrier. Hehe, yes merry. It's almost that time of year people :) Haha, do you know what you're gonna get for your special someones? I'm not sure about the turtle girl yet ): .. but I know for my kitty, we're getting a pair of dogtag necklaces with engravement/printing. We're currently storming up ideas on what to engrave/print on them. Anyone have any ideas haha? He said my 'kittyboo' was lame ): ... Lol nvm that. Anyways, what kind of a present would you get and for who? How much would you be willing to spend?

Guess who I've been falling in love with? Well, not really who but more of a what. Owl City and their songs. Their songs are simply adorable, from the tune to the lyrics, I love it all. A couple of my favourites so far are .. :
- Owl City - Vanilla Twilight
- Owl City - Cave In
- Owl City - The Saltwater Room

Honestly, what isn't there to love? The lyrics could possibly be my favourite now.. but I'm too tired to post them up. Maybe I will tomorrow if I'm not too busy studying for exams, or you could go check them out for yourselves, I promise you won't be disappointed. Meanwhile, checkout one of my buddies, Jason Tran, singing a cover of Vanilla Twilight. He may not be the best singer, but the effort is clearly notable and his expressions are just adorable. Hehe, hope he doesn't mind me posting this up! Enjoy! :D