Ahh, today was a little weird and very windy. The weather's been moody lately too, one day it'll be hot and sunny and the next cold and windy. I don't mind the rain though.. I know it'll be gone for a while after this. Just, it's Spring and I wanna be able to go out and have fun ya know? Not that the rain stops me from doing so.. it just stops me from doing so with others.

I thought someone wasn't gonna be in the bus in the morning, so I caught the later bus .. turns out he was at the bus stop waiting for me anyways? But he did go with her.. Lol. How stupid am I? I missed out my chance on seeing him like I do every morning, and it almost killed my day. But what I did instead was nice I guess, standing in the rain waiting at the bus stop.. then caught the bus with Krystal to school :) It was nice talking for a bit ^^ then we walked to school too.

Japanese first up, and I watched one of the best movies ever! Monsters Inc ♥! Hehehes. Don't you just love that movie? I know I do. The young one is called Boo, and her all time favourite monster dubbed Kitty! Hahaha, ngaawwww ♥ but I did do some of the work in the activity book as well. Then I just got really sick so just rested my head on the table and watched the movie.

In English, we went outside and we were supposed to rehearse for our play.. but dear Romeo wasn't here so we just sat around doing nothing. I was just listening to music on the iPod Touch we bought for Krystal and just going through the songs Chris gave her. Then we were talking about music genres.. Danny that mofo said RnB/Hip-Hop was shit and I had a massive go at him. Hahaha, yes. Then Kevin came and I talked to him for a bit :). It's always nice to see the monkey.

Recess like always is short lived and forgetful. 20 Minutes is not enough.

Yeah.. my study streak thing has gone. I bludged this lesson with AS, but we almost got caught cause Richo came to interrogate us. Don't you just love being Asian? Especially if you're a girl, Richo will let you off for anything. S got caught though .. ): Mm, then A and I just sat there catching up on some work .. and we talked quite a bit. Things seem so different now, and I gave my try on renewing this bond. It doesn't seem to be working and that's all there is to it I guess. Anywhos, it was okay catching up though? Mm..

Last lesson of the day was Maths .. and I did try to do as much work as I could .. but I just got so sleepy and sick. Then I was texting Alan and was occupied with worrying about him for the rest of the lesson. So I guess I didn't get that much done? A page at least .. but yeah. Could've done better?

School was over and Andy gave us a lift to Arndale where we went to Centrelink so they could get their Youth Allowance shiet done. That was about it and then Andy's dad dropped us off home.

Yeah, like I said.. my day was weird. I'm not used to coming home this early.. not just because I like being 'rebel' and staying out late either. I don't like coming home early for the same reason I like going out, to escape. Coming home all I have is free time to think and cry, despite the mountain of homework piling up.

I can't ask you for anything right now, because you know what? I'm at fault here. Not you, no never you. Don't you dare blame yourself because you're the last person that anyone could blame. You're probably one of the only ones trying to prevent this from all happening, rather than causing more problems.

I'm sorry I'm just a screwup, I'm a walking disaster, a fucking virus no one wants. I don't want any of this to happen, but maybe I was born with this so called fate. I'm sorry to anyone of the past, present and future that has experienced any pain.

There's so much I want to tell her, but I'm not going to. How could I talk to someone I possibly hate at the moment? That's right, I can't.. so I'm not going to. There are so many times throughout the day that I feel like slapping the shit out of her. You can't possibly know how hard I'm trying to hold all this back. And because I can't let it out at her.. like I said above I raged at Danny. Don't provoke me in any way, especially not with my music .. I will have a massive go at you and possibly get physical. And now that I've warned you, don't blame me for what I do to you.

I fucking miss you. Nothing feels the same anymore.. but nothing can be done about it either. Because I'm spacing away from you.. because it's for the best. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. But I'm not going to try anymore, because no results will appear. Because I'm a failure. I know why though, if I was you I wouldn't wanna be with me either. I mean, look at me, ugh.

Like I always say, mere words could never express how I really feel.. the depth of pain explained here is only the surface of it all, in reality it's so much worse. But you'll never know just how much.

The things I say to you.. the way I say them.. it seems like I'm trying to push you away huh? Well, don't get me wrong, I'd never want to do so. Just .. I've never met one person who's told me the things you have ... and stayed with me to live out their words. And everytime I end up all disappointed. The only reason I seem to be making it hard on you is, because I wanna see how much of me you can take. Are you gonna give up halfway and leave? Or are you going to climb every wall I build in front of you and reach me? Because I'm human, I test people. Because I'm cruel like that. You just seem too good to be true.