Today was a really slow day for me, it never seemed to end. And when it did, it was over too quickly. Because I'm just odd like that, you know? Hahaha. I woke up to that guilty feeling still lingering in my gut, it wouldn't go away. I spent the morning staring at a worried little face, one that used to always smile.. but now seemed a little troubled. I couldn't help but feel as though part of the reason was my fault.

I had Science first up and all we did was revise for the exam on Wednesday. Anyone proud of me? I did all my work! Hehe, and managed to fit in a chitchat session with Carolyn. I was still so tired and kept nodding off to sleep ):

PE was fairly slow but okay as well. We couldn't be bothered doing anything so the boys just ran around the gym wasting their energy, whilst the girls just sat around reading books and listening to music. Mr. Dounas couldn't really care less either, I guess he was in a lazy mood too :P

I had a French exam after recess. I fucked it hardcore. I kept dozing off to sleep, even whilst I was writing! I managed to make a bigass mark across my page.. Damn. I guess I really should head off to bed now. But there's too much on my mind, plus Medium's just getting to the scary bits. Mm, I struggled in that exam but I guess it's my fault for not studying prior to the lesson. Luckily, I'm not taking up French as a Stage 1 subject aye?

Mm, after lunch was Photography! I tried to do my work, but then I just heard something that brought back that guilt. I felt sick and nothing would make it go away. When I tried to speak, it would swallow up my words and not let anything out. So I took a break and went to sit somewhere else, that didn't work.. so I just walked out of class and took a little walk around the school. Guess that calmed me down a little and I came back. I mucked around on Photoshop for a little while and made a dodgey little picture with the lyrics of Vanilla Twilight. Printed out two copies, one for the cat and one for me. Might not mean nothing to you yeah? But just read the lyrics and you'd understand why..

Afterschool the cat and I went to catch the bus, I saved him from walking into a tree...and just a few seconds later from walking into a pole! Guess how he repayed me? He left ): .. so I walked to the bus stop with my little brother instead. Hehe. We missed the bus, so we had to sit around and wait for the next one. It was nice, wasn't it? Just two friends sitting around talking about absolutely nothing in particular hehe. And on the bus we played GoFish/No. Got off at Arndale so he could buy a couple more decks of cards and I spose I'd go buy my notebook as well.. Managed to buy some packs of chocolate yumyum. Then we headed off to Woollies so a certain fatcat could buy some Custard Tarts. I also bought more food :D Ohh! We also saw PAUL today! ..But he left ): .. didn't even hug me yo! Hahaha, so we caught the bus and eventually went home.

I got home and although I needed to do some serious studying, I barely did anything and spent the whole night procrastinating. My exams are going to be fails because I'm just way too tired and stressed to do anything right. And I mean anything, I'm even starting to fuck up my social life see? I've been treating this one person like crap, although I don't want to... I still do. Not only is this hurting him, it's killing me. It's not helping anyone, so why do I continue to do it? Because I'm an idiot.

Don't you just hate it when others copy you? Yes I know, it's nice that someone likes what you do.. and they wanna do it too. But seriously, get your own bloody 'thing'. Because what I do, is what I do.. it's unique and what makes me, me. Once someone else does it, it catches on and overtime just loses meaning. In this way, it's easier to get replaced.. it's one of my fears.

Oooh, Alan's birthday party is the weekend after next. Hahaha, I'm actually thinking about whether or not I really should go. Alan, it's really a waste of an invite if you give it to little old me. ...But I know he needs me there, ..maybe not me, but someone. Maybe I'll go to watch over my little princess. Can't let anything happen to him now can I. I promised I'd be there for you, and I guess I'll attend to live out my word. Who knows what's gonna happen.

Why do I have to decide everything.. It can't always be about what I want. This is only making me a little more selfish than I already am. Once in a while, even if you know it's going to upset me in some way ... just do it. You deserve to do the things you want to do, and you shouldn't have to think about the way anyone else is feeling. Because they don't matter. You know which saying I like that kinda suits this situation? It's one learnt from one of my favourite dramas, a little Taiwanese one called Smiling Pasta.. or I believe it's called Wei Xiao Pasta? Or something like that x)

That's what you should do sweetie. Please, I won't be happy until I know you are.. and I know when you're faking it for my sake. Don't force yourself to be happy just so I will be.. When you're down, I'll stay down with you. And when you're happy, we'll go high together. There's not a moment I wouldn't spend with you, because it's with you.

I'm pretty creeped out right now.. and I think I'll finish off this post and watch the ending of Medium. Then head off to sleep, if I can.. Hahaha, so yeah.. anyways. Good luck to all who have exams in the next week to come. I know you're all a smart bunch of cookies so you'll do well anyways. But if you don't do as well as you wanted to, remember it's just a letter or a number. It doesn't really mean anything.. and don't let others define who and what you are. Don't compare yourself to others because some things just can't be compared. They may be good at one thing, but not at another. That other might be something you're good at.. So you see? You've OWNED them in some way. Hahaha I just stuffed all that up... but yeah! GOOD LUCK YO! It's the last week for most of the year 10's I know, so enjoy it while it lasts baby. Cause before you know it, we'll all be seniors ;D

And yes, if you can't tell by now I'm pretty darn obsessed with Vanilla Twilight! If you haven't seen that video in my last post, go watch it now! But if you don't wanna see a naked young boy, then just download the song :) It will be worth your couple of mb's.