No no no, stick to the stuff you know.♣
Monday, April 12, 2010 / 3:32 PM
I've been putting off blogging because that's just my holiday mood. I get really lazy and can't really be stuffed sitting there for the amount of time it takes for me to write up my days. But yes, I'll give you a debrief of what I've been up to in another blog. This post is just for me to get some stuff off my mind.
There are those people who constantly mock others. Others who are so sure of themselves, who know what they are and who they are. Don't let their words bring you down or even change who you are, because they know nothing about you to have a say. They don't have a clue of even a fraction of what you've been through or what you've felt. No one should be able to have a say in determining who are you, but yourself. No one knows you like you do, and no one will understand you like you do. But there are some who understand you more than others.
Just, ignore the shit people say about you. :)
Lol, there are some people who just don't seem to fit in with those around them and never again what they seek - acceptance. They try and try, but never succeed. Despite the fact that they try so hard to be ever so funny and nice. It never works. But they just don't know why it doesn't.. even though the answer is so simple. It's because
you're trying too hard. I don't really like to use this word, because put down words are being used so widely and wrongly they don't have a meaning anymore. But, that's just what the facts are. When you try too hard, it's obvious. It doesn't go past anyone. They all see it. They can see that you aren't that comfortable being that "perfect" person. That you just aren't being yourself. Sure, everyone likes someone funny. Everyone likes someone nice. But there's a difference between someone who is genuinely being nice, and faking it. No one wants to be with someone who is
fake. Face it, you wouldn't either.
So, the trick is to just be yourself. Despite the fact that a few of your personality traits may be a little rough or perceived to be a complete bitch. It doesn't matter, as long as you're being yourself. If you choose to be someone who seems to be fake and stuck up, the people around you may think you only want friends who are of a higher status.. so they back off. When you show them you're just a down to Earth girl, and that you have your imperfections too, they'll feel a little bit more comfortable.
Truth is, I don't know why I tell people this.. knowing they might stumble along my blog and read it. Because truth is, I really don't like some people.. just for the way they are. I'm not discriminating against anyone for any reason. It's just, not everyone was made to get along. And quite frankly, we are some of those people. I don't hate you in all honesty, it's just the things you do that seem to annoy me. I do try to be your friend, but you like to be this quiet and reserved person towards me, despite the fact I only want to help. Then you turn around to be a stuck up, loud-ass bitch. I don't know, I guess I'll keep trying til I can't be bothered anymore? :) That's how I always am, aren't I?
Haha, I make mistakes because I'm only human. But there are choices I've made in life I'm not sure of whether to consider them as a mistake or not. I stopped talking to someone because of the way they treated me at times. For the way they treated me even when I wasn't around. Because they never initiated a conversation with me and put the responsibility on me to continue the friendship. Because all the words I've spilt to them, for them only have somehow spreaded to others. Because I was always being referred to as the naive, little girl who was always trying a little too hard at the wrong things. Because I was the one with the friends who were such tryhards themselves, such gangster wannabes. Because whenever I poured my heart out at a time of hurt, I was lectured by them. Because at a time I was at a negative point in life, after many others, they suggested I should just suicide. It was upsetting. So I left. I couldn't believe that someone I had trusted so much, and held so dear to my heart would tell me to suicide. ... Could it be that it would be the end to not only my troubles, but one of yours? That one trouble, being me.
I didn't want to put up with it anymore.. because I was just overstressed with life itself, and at the pit of depression. I stayed away from you for a long period of time, even now it's still going.. But everytime I see his face or name, hear his voice in the distance.. It brings back the memories. Despite the facts stated above, he was such nice company. When everything in life was going well, he was a great person to have and muck around with. I miss him, dearly. Just thinking about the few of the memories we've shared, I'm crying.
The saying, "
no reason to stay, is a reason to go" and "never give up on someone who made you smile" runs through my mind every moment I spend reminiscing about us.. And I don't know whether my decision was one of which improved my life or brought it down more. Sure, things do seem to be a little bit easier without the lectures .. but being without you doesn't seem easy at all. I guess I was just sick of being told I was too young to know anything.. and hearing negative things about my friends.I guess the decision is mine now, so.. do I talk to you or not?
Okay, I guess not. But maybe it was my fault for leaving without a word. I guess, we'll never know.
Ahh, I have this shitty tummy achy feeling now. So I guess I'll just go snuggle up in bed with Euro Trip on or soemthing to cheer myself up. :)
